2023.02.23 - life's goal

I'd like to describe myself as walking the long-tread path toward truth, or something to that effect, but the reality is that rather than a path, it's more like a unit square area consisting of a conveyor belt which counteracts your strides; or at best, a loop. Still, I feel compelled to jog in place.

2022.11.28 - cynicism

Some years ago I went through an anarchist phase, which I'm not going to say went entirely away, but I've since acquiesced a bit to what I now perceive as the realities of human behavior and generally lost optimism in human adaptability (conversely). I think I still have in my mind somewhere an ideal of perfect equality and decentralization, but I am lacking faith that it is possible. Somewhere along the line (probably after reading some The Last Psychiatrist articles) I got it into my head that human behavior is completely dictated by power games and a fundamental desire to climb in social status, which is secondary only to the desire for food, water, and shelter (maybe we should add sleep as a requirement?). I mean, I don't think you can deny it has quite a lot of explanatory power in a lot of different situations, so it gets a lot of positive affirmative feedback as a prominent theory in my personal web of semi-conscious heuristics. Actually, I went into a minor existential crisis a couple months ago (exasperated, or more accurately - catalyzed - by some external circumstances) because I had the idea that there is nothing more to humans than their social status/power struggles, and even supposedly innocent interests (hobbies), altruistic actions, aesthetic preferences, and things like that were subtly manifestations of that core. I didn't really manage to convince myself it isn't true, but I did manage to stop thinking about it as much.

Anyway, my original point was supposed to be that I have a mixed reaction these days when I see stuff about erasing gender, hierarchy, etc. There are still vestiges of my earlier tabula rasa sort of idealism, but it is hard to reconcile that with the observations I've made since in the behavior of people in general.

2022.11.27 - plans of action

I think it's generally acknowledged that whenever you see one of those people who make a great, grand plan on how they're going to improve in some skill, or tackle some project, or thoroughly learn some topic, it's a sure thing that they're not actually gonna do it. On the other hand, most of the people who do become near the top of the field in some skill, or finish some large project, or become knowledgeable on some topic, did not do so because they had in mind that end state. Usually you hear something like, "I just enjoyed it, so I kept going and eventually ended up quite good."

Which is to say, intentionality, so to speak, is not that powerful. I've made the distinction before between 'wanting' to do something and 'wanting to want' to do something, and it seems like those desires of the second type are rarely fulfilled.